I lost my Kara last week.
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It was there one moment, and just like that, gone in the next. I simply could not recall the last time I’d seen it, or how it had come off.
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I spent the first few minutes in denial – it’s always always always been there and I could still feel its weight on my wrist and hear the clink whenever I rested my arm on the table. I’m very organised with my things and losing them unsettles me right to my hair tips. I’d had this Kara for over 12 years, and now it was gone.
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What I wasn’t prepared for was how alone that made me feel.
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We’re brought up to understand the Kara in many different ways; as a symbol of Oneness, a reminder of the Circle of Life and Death, something for God to latch on to, a representation of the connection we have to everything around us...
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At the back of my mind I know all this, but I don’t think I ever consciously lived it. The Kara is one of the first few things our parents stick on us as babies and I guess we get used to it so early that we just don’t think about it much.
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But that day, when I lost it, wow. The feeling of incompletion was just so overwhelming; and the question that kept running through my head was: how will my Guru hold me now?
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It was an experience of being stripped so bare, that no one would ever be able to identify me and I would never belong again. My Kara had become so much a part of my identity, so much a part of me, that without it I became completely invisible.
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That week was full and busy and eventful and exhausting, and yet when I look back, all I seem to remember is that it was the week when I was bare and alone. And when I finally went to Gurdwara on Saturday, I rushed to the stall and grabbed hold of any Kara that would have me. It turned out to be a really cheap-looking, thin and flimsy 3 ringgit Kara, and yet the moment was priceless – suddenly my skin felt like mine again and I… belonged. I regained the lost connection; I was comforted that my Guru would be able to reach out and hold me again.
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And it’s just as they say – sometimes you need to lose something before you can gain something else. By creating a vacuum, you draw in the energy needed to fill the space.
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And the vacuum left by that Kara was filled with the realisation that my Kara went beyond completing my Circle of Life and Death, or connecting me to the rest of creation…
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It was there to complete ME, to make ME whole, to bind MY mind, body and spirit, to unite MY soul with God’s. It was MY circle and it brought me together within myself. God and me, me and God, are one.
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And because of that, He can Never Let Me Go.
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Phew :p
2 comments:
Harkiran penji, you may not know me but here is something that I want to share. I noticed that I have the same feeling as you when I loses my kera. The kera plays a big role in my life and I feel really uncomfortable when my kera is not with me. Somehow, my mind and soul bind with the kera I wear, no matter how heavy or light, how expensive or cheap it is but I can't really live my life without kera. The kera is so precious to me that even when I take it off my hand(bcoz have no choice), I will always try to keep it high. Its just a symbol of unity between our mind, body, soul, waheguru, and kera.
omgosh..this post made me feel as if i was losing something one moment..and i quickly looked at my wrist..for one moment i was at that stage wher u were penji..and i could thoroughly experience the lost..!!! phew!
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